Hello Friends!
I have been wanting to write a blog for a while now but just have been too busy and really haven't been sure what exactly to blog about. I have decided to write about what it is like to be single in my late 30's and a part of church but not really a part of church.
To be honest, the church is heavily focused on young married couples and their kids. That seems to be the main priority despite the fact that there are many other stages of life and people in those stages of life that the church is neglecting. To be fair, many churches are heavily focused on their youth and investing in them. Many churches are offering many great programs for folks going through a divorce, folks struggling with addictions (Celebrate Recovery. It is a great program if run correctly. I experienced it from both great leadership and poor leadership, so do some research.) So, the church is trying I think to expand. However, the church isn't trying to engage with the older singles or offer anything for us. The sad thing is, the church has become ok with that. Pastors aren't preaching to encourage couples to do life with the older singles or even the older singles to do life and mentor the young adults or the youth. Why? Pastors, why? When the pastors do nothing, the congregation will do nothing. Pastors, you need to take the lead. I have for one have really struggled to find consistent community and support from the church as it has not shown much interest in supporting older singles. While I have been apart of various teams that have served the church and I have found encouragement and fulfillment in those, there really hasn't been much else. I hardly receive any invites to go to anything other than to really subpar men's bible studies. I'm sorry, but some of the men's bible studies I have been stuck in, have been really subpar, to put it kindly. That's getting old to be honest. No invites to lunch after church.
Older singles are a part of the church; they are a part of the body of Christ.
Ephesians 4:4-5 "There is one body and one Spirit---just as you were called to one hope when you were called --- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."
1 Corinthians 12:12,14 "The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ...Now the body is not made up of one part but of many."
1 Corinthians 12:18-26 "But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
So, church, us older singles are a part too. We are a part of the body that should be treated as such. If you are going to pray over your children, if you are going to pray over your members whom are going on a missions trip, why not lift up the older singles too? Pray for them too. Married couples, why are you only doing life with other married couples? Why are you only asking married couples to lunch after church? Just because some people aren't married with kids, doesn't mean they are under you or are not people or have something wrong with them. Where in the bible does it say to only do life with other married people? We are all a part of one body in Christ.
Galatians 6:10"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
We are all are a part of the family of believers and should be caring for and serving each other regardless of marital status. We are not in the body of Christ based on anything other than what Jesus did for us on the cross.
Church, you need to at least try to help your older singles. Pastors, maybe you love the married life and your spouse and want to talk every single week about it. That's great. But, push for the non-married folks too. Encourage your congregation to look out for them too. Just try, even if it is awkward and you don't know how to relate. It is better to try and be messy than to just not try at all.
Romans 12:9-10 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
Romans 12:16 "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."
Romans 15:7 "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."
I do believe it is important for young couples to have times with other couples, older singles to have time with other singles, etc. Sometimes we do need people in that same season of life to encourage and to learn and grow from. But we also need to make sure we are spending time with people in other stages of life too. We will grow and be much better for it. Life is hard as it is. We need each other.
